The Fondest Days of Severus Snape
by RealityEscapesHer
Summary: It's been over a year since Lily Evans has spoken to Severus Snape, and he is desperate to get her attention. The summer holiday between their sixth and seventh years may very well be Snape's last chance to make amends, and he has no intention of squandering any possible opportunities, even if he must create those opportunities himself.
1. Chapter 1

Concealed in a pair of tall, leafy bushes, a lanky teenager was carefully hiding himself from the fading light of a warm summer's evening. Through his curtains of greasy black hair, he peered intently at a very mundane window on a very mundane wall of a very mundane house. Severus Snape was waiting for the flicker of light that would signify the occupation of the particular room belonging to that window.

It had been just over a year since Lily Evans had spoken to him after his unfortunate slip of the tongue near the end of their fifth year at Hogwarts. He had been persistent in his attempt to mend their friendship, spending a very lonely summer holiday being spurned and ignored. It was an effort he had continued on into their sixth year without success. Now he was a week into his second summer holiday without Lily's friendship, and Severus was certain it was killing him. Especially since he was choosing to while away his summer in a place he loathed with people he loathed even more just for a chance to speak with her.

It was true that his home life left much to be desired, with a father who seemed to only take pleasure in making those around him miserable and a mother who had completely ceased to function as a regular person, let alone as a witch, years ago. At least he was of age now, having turned seventeen just after the Christmas Holiday last term at Hogwarts. His father no longer dared to bully or beat him, putting an end to years of abuse that Severus had made abundantly clear he would no longer tolerate. If Lily did not live so near to his childhood home, Severus was certain he would not have returned for his last holiday before the start of his seventh year at Hogwarts. However, the idea of even seeing Lily for a moment made suffering the unkempt house, inhospitable inhabitants and many years of lousy memories more than worth it.

He was determined to have his last memory of Lily Evans (and her last memory of him) be a happy one. They had one more year at Hogwarts, and then he would join the Death Eaters, and she would fight on the opposing side in the war they would soon be joining. He knew he couldn't sway her sympathies, and she knew full well where his lay, but their difference in paths did not have to matter for the next few weeks. If only Lily would speak to him!

As darkness finally settled over him, the orange glow that Severus had been so impatiently waiting for flickered on, illuminating the surrounding blackness. An owl hooted softly in the distance, and crickets chirped away merrily as they revelled beneath the stars, but Severus could hear nothing over the sound of his heart pounding away furiously in his chest. He took a deep breath, before finally moving from his hiding spot.

It was a brash thing he was about to do, but he was desperate. His owls had gone unanswered; his patronuses, ignored. Last summer he had spent every day in the park where they used to while away their summers, hoping she would eventually search him out once her summer became too lonely and choose to forgive him. When he was finally gifted with her presence, she had turned on her heel and marched steadily away as soon as she had spotted his lanky form lingering beneath their tree. He had been left standing there, calling out to her disconsolately, and she had refused to even spare him a single look as she retreated.

He should have been furious with her for her unwillingness to accept his apologies and ignoring every contrite overture he offered, but he still felt only bitterness toward himself for speaking to her in such a manner. Even if he hadn't felt as though he was completely to blame for their fallling out, how could he be angry with her? He loved her. Oh, how he loved her! It filled his every being. In spite of his year without her, she was still his first thought upon waking every morning and his last thought every evening before falling asleep. He loved her so much that it hurt, and now she was destroying his heart bit by bit, and he still could not stop loving her.

So, now he was standing here, just outside her bedroom window ready to confess every feeling he had ever had for her. Even if she didn't want to hear it, even if she still hated him after, at least it would be said. She would know, and he would have gotten eight years of longing off his chest.

Before he could change his mind, he felt his knuckles rap the glass softly. His heart now hammering so hard inside his chest that he felt it would burst, Severus held his breath until he heard a stirring from inside the room. His ears could barely discern the shuffling of feet moving across a carpeted floor, and then, there she was, her vivid green eyes glaring at him from the opposite side of the window as he stared pleadingly up at her, hoping fervently she would open it.

The longest minute of Severus Snape's life passed as he stood waiting for Lily to decide whether to open her window or walk away. She seemed frozen in time as she stood glaring, her long red hair cascading in waves over her slight shoulders as she struggled with herself over the choice before her. Mercifully, she finally reached to the lock, unlatched it and lifted the white-paned glass from its sill.

"I think I have made it abundantly clear that I do not want nor will I accept an apology from you, Severus," she bit out caustically, moving to slam her window shut.

"Lilly, I love you."

The words tumbled quickly out of his mouth before the glass barrier could slam closed and prevent her ears from catching his words. He could see her breath hitch in her chest as she froze with both hands still pressed against the window, clearly stunned. Severus took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he continued on urgently.

"I always have. I'm sure that I always will. And I know it doesn't mean anything. Even if my feelings were not unrequited, we both have our convictions. I realize that we are on two very different paths. I'm not asking that you condone or accept my choices, and I have no desire whatsoever to turn you away from yours," he continued on, trying to think of what to say next. His deep voice faltered.

"What are you asking, Severus?" Lily inquired stiffly, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. She still hadn't removed her hands from the glass and was clearly ready to end the conversation if it was not to her liking.

"Nothing!" he exclaimed in a panic. What a mess he was making of this! Why hadn't he spent more time thinking about what he would say to her?

"Then why are you here?" she asked gently, her eyes softening with her tone. He probed them with his shining, black eyes as he searched for the right words to say. Her arms fell limply to her sides as she gazed at him unblinkingly, waiting for him to explain himself.

"Don't you miss me Lily?" he whispered, his voice so low she could barely hear him. "Since that idiotic, offensive, unforgiveable incident, I've felt so lost without your friendship. I understand that things can never return to the way they were before."

"Before what, exactly?" she snapped, an expression of distaste crossing her lightly freckled features. She folded her arms across her chest defensively. "Before you insulted me or before you joined in on your fellow Slytherin's pureblood mania and decided to side with those…Death Eaters?"

She spoke the title as though it was a curse word, cringing as the words fell from her lips. Severus felt his throat constrict as he strugged for the words to answer her question. Shamed by her low opinion of him, he lowered his eyes, staring at his embarrassingly shabby trainers.

"Can we forget about the war, just for the summer?" he mumbled almost unintelligibly. Severus hesitated before moving his gaze back to hers. He wondered how it was possible for such warm, expressive eyes to look so unusually frosty and unfeeling.

"Forget about the war?" she hissed in dismay. "Forget that this time next year, you and your Death Eater friends could be storming this house and murdering my parents in their sleep? Forget that this time next year, if we find ourselves performing magic together, it will be because we are dueling against each other for our lives? I know what the Death Eater's do. When you join them next summer, you'll be doing the same. Torturing and murdering innocent people for a cause that doesn't even make any sense!"

"A cause that doesn't make any sense to you, you mean," he snapped back at her before he could stop himself. Shaking her head at him, she moved to close her window again. "Lily wait! I don't want to do this! I don't want to spend our time arguing about whose side is the right side. There are precious few weeks before we return to Hogwarts, and, if it is amenable to you, I would like for us to spend them together as a normal teenage boy and a normal teenage girl would, without the burdens of our diverging futures. If we were muggles, we would know nothing of this war. What would we be doing now?"

"Why would I want to spend any of my time with you this summer?" Lily scoffed, ignoring his question. Her arms were crossed in front of her again, and Severus could not help but notice that one strap of her soft blue camisole had made its way down off of her shoulder in a very fetching manner.

"We were friends, not so very long ago. Do you truly hate me so much?"

Her countenance softened once again at his downcast expression before she spoke. "I don't hate you Severus. I hate your choices. I hate this war. People are dying every day, and I hate thinking that, soon, you will be contributing to that! I can't even bear to look at you, Severus. It breaks my heart."

Her voice broke, and her green eyes suddenly appeared to be shining with unshed tears. Severus hung his head shamefacedly once more. Had his choices really caused her so much pain? What about the pain she was causing him with her choices? Why should he be any less disappointed in her for choosing a different side than she was in him?

"That's just it, Lily. People are dying every day. Death Eaters, too! What if I'm one of them one day? Wouldn't you mourn for me, regardless of whatever side I chose? I can't even put into words the loss I would feel if something were to happen to you. Even if you don't love me, you know that I'm not evil! I would not cause suffering for the sake of causing suffering! Do you not think that I have endured enough at the hands of those who would torment the undeserving? That I would want to be the same as them? Am I ambitious, yes? But that is not a trait that should prevent our continued friendship. What inadequacy do I possess that could cause you to cease your caring for me completely?"

Lily said nothing as she considered his words. The pervasive silence between the pair seemed to quiet the world around them and still the very air they breathed. It seemed as though an eternity had passed to Severus before Lily finally spoke.

"If we were muggles," Lily started slowly, as though choosing her words with care, "we would probably be watching the telly right now."

She broke out in a tight-lipped smile at the look of disgust on his face. Severus hated the telly, as it was the only thing in his house that his father actually seemed to like. Severus found magic much more appealing than moving pictures on a fuzzy screen, but he found himself gladdened by the change in subject. Her attempt to ease the tension meant that, for the first time in a year, she was actually listening to him. She was actually considering offering her forgiveness.

"Look Severus," Lily started, the smile now gone from her face. "I do care about you, but I don't see how we can be friends. You know you can't talk to me at school in front of the other Slytherins. And it's just too hard, with our differences in opinion."

"But we're not at school, are we? And we don't have to discuss our opinions. After this summer is over we can go our separate ways. I'm only asking for one last summer holiday with you, nothing after the first day of term. I don't want to spend my life encumbered with regret over the way our friendship ended."

"What about...What about your...your...admission?" she stammered. Severus furrowed his thick eyebrows in confusion as his eyes studied her face. A delicate flush was spreading across her freckled cheeks, and her eyes could no longer meet his. "It sounds like you're looking for more…more than I might be willing to…erm…"

"Lily, I only said that to get your attention, so that you would allow me the chance to talk to you," he blurted out, feeling the heat of mortification now rising to his own cheeks. At these words, her green eyes registered a look of hurt or disappointment or maybe even outrage, but he couldn't be sure. "Not that I didn't mean every word. I just...Well I don't expect you to feel the same, if that's what you're...I meant just as friends...I knew you wouldn't want..."

He shifted awkwardly as he trailed off, suddenly wishing that he could disappear as he fidgeted with the hem of his overlarge t-shirt. He supposed he should feel relieved that she attempting to spare his feelings instead of dismissing his declaration with disgust. She gave him a shy smile of understanding, but neither could meet the other's eyes with their own. Finally Lily gave a resigned sigh.

"I'll think about it, Sev," she said at long last. "Meet me in our spot tomorrow afternoon. We can talk more then."

He nodded his understanding before turning to leave, afraid to press his luck any further. The corners of his mouth twitched up slightly. Not only was he going to see her tomorrow, but he was going to talk to her again as well. The night may not have gone swimmingly well for him, but it had worked out in his favor in the end, and that was all that mattered to him.

"Severus!" Lily called out to him in a harsh whisper before he had managed to traverse past the pair of bushes in which he had spent a good portion of his evening. He stopped and turned toward her trying to keep his face impassive, despite the knots he suddenly felt within the pit of his stomach. "Good night."

The nervous tension dissipated as soon as he realized she did not plan on changing her mind, and his lips curled into a small smile as he called out to her in reply. "Good night, Lily."


	2. Chapter 2

It was half past eight when Severus awoke the next morning. The mixture of nerves and excitement coursing through his veins prevented him from sleeping in any later. It had almost kept him from sleeping at all. Lily had said she would meet him at their old spot, providing that the events of last night weren't just some wonderful dream.

Severus rolled onto his side, the undersized bed on which he slept creaking in objection at the sudden movement. Pushing his stringy hair out of his face, he peered around his cramped and cluttered bedroom. Books, parchment, quills and his wand littered the top of the splintering desk that sat underneath the one very small and very heavily curtained window within the room. Next to the desk a small bookshelf bowed under the weight of even more books stacked in disarray on the shelves. His school chest sat the foot of his bed along with his cauldron, his precious potions kit locked safely inside. With all these possessions in his bedroom, he was left naught but a walkway to his door from his bed and a small bit of space to access the shabby chest of drawers stuffed in his closet.

Pushing himself into an upright sitting position from his still protesting bed, Severus reached for his wand. With a flick of his wrist, many candles nestled in rusty sconces upon the otherwise bare walls sputtered to life. Severus much preferred their dim, flickering glow to the glaring electric light affixed to his ceiling. In fact, he wasn't quite certain why he hadn't blasted the obnoxious thing off of the ceiling yet.

Taking care to be quiet as his bare feet touched down on the groaning floorboards of his bedroom, Severus padded softly across the floor to his closet. He wished he could just wear his school robes, as he dug through the meager amount of threadbare muggle clothing he possessed. Finally, he settled on his least torn pair of trousers and a faded and slightly fraying jumper, bundling them tightly under one arm as he headed to the bathroom for a shower.

So it was at a quarter past nine that Severus Snape found himself standing outside his house with damp hair, a rumbling stomach and his wand stowed in his back pocket. He knew it would be hours before Lily met him under their tree in their park, but it did not matter. The idea of waiting for hours was much more preferable than spending his morning in a house where there were cobwebs where there should have been breakfast and people who did not speak to him except to berate or insult him.

As he walked to the park, he wished he had the money to stop into a shop and purchase some breakfast as he had been absent at dinner the previous night. That was, of course, if there had even been any dinner to eat. His stomach growled its disgruntlement even more loudly as his thoughts remained on the subject of food. It made him miss Hogwarts all the more. It was the only place that had ever truly felt like home, although without Lily, school had seemed a much less inviting place as of late.

It wasn't long before Severus arrived at the empty park. He surveyed the vast expanse of vibrant, green grass and empty playground to make certain it was as vacant as it appeared before moving underneath the overhanging branches of a sorrowful-looking willow. He sat leaning back against the trunk of the tree, his fraying jumper getting caught on the rough bark in places. He ignored the small inconvenience, and instead peered up through the low-hanging branches toward the sky.

It was overcast and gray, threatening rain, but the bright colors of summer greenery stood out brilliantly against the dull sky. Days like these were his favorite. The temperature was cooler than most people might find comfortable, but Severus didn't mind. He didn't mind the impending rain so much either. Lily much preferred the warmth of sunshine though. He found himself disappointed that today wasn't one of the bright, cloudless days that she so loved.

After awhile of sitting, bored, fiddling with leaves fallen to the ground and snapping dried twigs as he agonized over whether or not Lily would come and what she would have to say to him if she did, Severus pulled out his wand. He wished he had a watch or at least some idea of what time it was. Deciding that he needed some sort of distraction from waiting, he began silently practicing all the charms that came to his mind on a crooked twig that sat near his foot.

'Accio twig,' Severus thought to himself, concentrating on the on the small piece of wood. It zoomed into his hand easily. Then he cast a hover charm, then a levitation charm all while moving the twig back and forth through the air, then the locomotion charm, an engorgement charm and the shrinking charm. Bored with that, he began to recite the twelve uses of dragon's blood, Golpalott's Third Law, the ingredients for polyjuice potion and anything else he could think of to keep his mind off of the nerves that were now staving off the gnawing hunger he had been feeling earlier. He continued his silent recitations until his eyelids began to feel heavy.

Severus awoke to a gentle prodding of his shoulder. Startled, his eyes snapped open, and he sat upright so quickly that he almost knocked over the slight girl who had woken him. She giggled softly and reached a delicate hand out to remove a large piece of grass that was tangled in Severus's disheveled black hair.

"I'm sorry to wake you," Lily apologized with a smile. "You must have been waiting awhile."

Severus shrugged noncommittally, gazing up at her through bleary, sleep-ridden eyes. Silent laughter was written all over Lily's face as she took a seat in the grass next to him. He could feel his stomach doing summersaults, and he quickly and covertly pinched himself to make sure he wasn't still asleep. He couldn't believe she had actually come.

"What time is it?" he asked. Inwardly, he chided himself for asking such an inconsequential question, but his sluggish brain was still waking, and he had needed to say something.

"A little before three. Are you hungry? You look a bit peaky."

Before he could even answer, Lily was digging through a small floral handbag that Severus hadn't even noticed until this moment. She withdrew some wrapped sandwiches, a vacuum flask and paper cups, a pair of apples and a very squished paper sack that she frowned at discontentedly before placing it on the ground with the other items.

"I thought that we could have a picnic," she exclaimed a little too brightly. She couldn't mask the sympathy mirrored in her eyes, and Severus felt his cheeks burning with embarrassment. Suddenly he found himself wondering if she had only agreed to see him, because she pitied him. She was, after all, the only person who knew what his life was like at home. He could feel the snide comments behind which he usually hid his mortification forming on his tongue and fought to keep them at bay.

"Is that an undetectable extension charm you've cast on your handbag?" he inquired disinterestedly, hoping that his cheeks were not actually as reddened as they felt. Lily beamed at him proudly.

"It was a little tricky, but I think I managed it alright. It's quite useful, actually," she replied as she handed over a couple of sandwiches. She pointed to a red vacuum flask, "There's some tea in this. Oh, and there's some chocolate biscuits in the paper bag, or pieces of them anyway."

She set about pouring tea into the paper cups and handed one to Severus. He took it with a silent nod of thanks, trying to keep himself from being too eager about the simple picnic she had brought to share with him, as he felt absolutely ravenous. While Severus ate his sandwiches, Lily fiddled uncomfortably with the wrapping around her own.

At long last she gave soft a sigh before asking, "Severus, did you really mean it…What you said yesterday, I mean?"

"Which part?" he asked. He was hoping to avoid the awkwardness that had come with his brazen confession, but it did not seem as though Lily was going to let it go. "There were a lot of things said yesterday."

"The part where you said…," she faltered, her face now a deep scarlet. "Oh, you know which part!"

"Yes," he muttered softly, his discomfiture clearly evident. "I meant it."

"How long have you felt that way?" she pressed, her cheeks still tinged with color. He sighed, sounding defeated.

"Since I first saw you. Right over there."

He gestured to the spot she had been standing when he first laid eyes on her. He would never forget that day. The small, pretty, ginger girl willing a flower opened and closed in the palm of her hand, while her plain, elder sister whinged about how unnatural it was.

"You were only nine," she protested. "How could you have known that you…felt that way then?"

"Maybe I didn't quite grasp what it was I felt at the time, but Lily…You don't understand the effect you have on people. That prat Potter has fancied you for ages, as well, and he's not the only one. Someone would have to be blind or mad not to notice you."

"How come you've never told me any of this before?" she demanded, a hint of annoyance permeating her voice "Why didn't you just tell me how you felt, if you felt this strongly for this long?"

Severus snorted. He didn't understand how she didn't see it. How could she possibly be so blind?

"Oh, I'm sure that you'd have just been swept right off your feet by my heartfelt confession. You have James Potter, rich, handsome and popular, captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team even, mooning over you, and half of the other boys in school," he scoffed testily. "If you wouldn't agree to go on a date with him, how could I possibly stand a chance? Considering my affinity for the Dark Arts, which you detest so very much, along with my friends, it was a wonder you could tolerate me for so long. Surely most of that time spent with me was out of pity, just like this picnic you so kindly prepared."

"I'm not your friend, because I feel sorry for you," she retorted hotly. "I never cared that you weren't cast the best lot in life. I only ever cared about you. And what in the world does James Potter have to do with any of this? You know full well that I think he's an arrogant bully. I would rather snog a flobberworm!"

"Even still, it doesn't matter that I've waited until now to say anything. What would it have changed? You made it very clear how you felt last night with your uncomfortable response to my…admission. I know you don't feel the same. I was never going to tell you. If it hadn't been the only option I had left to me in begging for your forgiveness, I wouldn't have said it."

"I'm glad that you did," Lily said softly, reaching over to entangle her small, delicate hand in his and squeezing tenderly. "I really did miss you, Sev."

"Really? Why?" he all but demanded. He hadn't meant to sound as disbelieving and suspicious as he did. He expected Lily to yank her hand away from his in frustration, but she didn't. Instead she gave him a sad smile and squeezed his hand a second time.

"It is really so hard to believe that there is someone in this world who could care for you?" she asked with a sigh, before leaning her head upon his shoulder. He could feel his pulse quicken at the affectionate contact. He had forgotten how nice it felt to have Lily as a friend, how natural it felt to be with her.

"So, does this mean that we can be friends again?" he inquired after sitting in silence for awhile. Rain had started to drip from the sky erratically, but the leafy branches overhead protected them from most of the chilly water droplets. Lily shivered a little, and pulled the soft cream cardigan she wore around her more tightly before scooting to sit pressed up again Severus for warmth.

"For the summer, I suppose," she answered, her voice laced with bitter melancholia. "I wish things were different. It doesn't seem fair us having only one more summer."

Severus decided not to press his luck by pointing out the fact that it could have been two, had she accepted his apology sooner. Nor did he bring to light the fact that it never had to end, if she could start seeing the world from his point of view. He had promised her they would not speak about these subjects, and he intended to keep his promise (and avoid any further arguments, for that matter). One more summer spent with her was entirely more than he could have hoped for anyway.

Looking down at Lily shivering next to him, Severus gave a contented smirk before asking, "So…How shall we spend the remainder of our holiday?"


End file.
